Tuesday, September 15

Every now and again I get in a mood and pretend like I can justify spending my minimal ($0) income on lingerie. I would love to someday own a fully-stocked boudoir arsenal of lacey frilly sexy silky shiny things; corsets and chemises and even stuff sans crotch, but as is I'm mostly satisfied with a new pair of $2.99 chones from TJMaxx every now and again. Still, it's nice to browse. Victoria's Secret always has the sort of thing that women like and men tolerate because it's that or nothing, but it's generally poorly constructed bullshit that costs an arm and a leg. Everything I've ever bought there ends up in the trash in a year or so, including bras. But still...

How adorable is this? And not heinously expensive, maybe get your lover to go halfsies, but this frilly thing that I literally gasped at is nearly $60. For polyester. Get out.

My favorite sexy things come from Trashy.com, because I like a wide variety when it comes to lingerie shopping and I'm not ashamed to shop where strippers shop. Or to purchase things that strippers purchase.

Besides this number, the "Pothole Tube Dress," they carry a lot of things you wouldn't own ironically and have a huge selection of "bargain" gear. I want to own one of these in every color. I have one in leopard already, and it's one-size-fits-all and hand sewn in Los Angeles by a migrant worker and her six Catholic granddaughters, so you know it's good. (P.S. The file name of this image is "std-1987.jpg". How perfect.)

Frederick's of Hollywood is known for kitschy skank trash stuff with maribou on it. But I was legit just looking for inexpensive chemises when I stumbled across this stuff. I don't know who they hired but these pieces are so hot and expensive-looking but really cheap. This is the kind of lingerie Bat Woman would wear. Cutting edge super hero undies. Sup, girl?

Of course, when you're like me, poor, that is, you've got to get creative in your search for sexy goods. And when this creativity fails you, you will find yourself at Forever 21, Charlotte Russe and Wet Seal picking out neon g-strings with cherries on them. To be fair, all of these retailers have gems, particularly Forever 21, though I would only purchase in-store as I've thrown in several pairs of undies into an online order or two, just to top it off, and have received some serious bullshit: cotton boy shorts that stretch out and lose their shape while you wear them, ruffly nightmares that are too tight in the thigh opening but too loose on the hips, and a really cute pair of real silk yellow polka dot panties that, after a HAND WASH, the spots came off. Totally heart broken. Just miserable. Hopefully I'll have more luck with these brassieres from Wet Seal.

P.S. Don't buy rhumba panties unless you're doing burlesque. They're really popular in stores right now and they are SO cute on the rack but so dumb on your ass. Boyfriend says he likes them but I feel like an idiot when I put them on.

1 comment:

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