Tuesday, September 29



I am working a 9-hour day at a major American retailer that is similar to but not affiliated with Wal-Mart (I know, I know, It's totally true, I just love to complain.) and I am not totally looking forward to it. This is only my second day working there, and my first day training for lay-away. Here are my long-work-day-survival tips.

1. Wear loose clothing, so you can get bloated and not worry about a gut hanging over your jeans all day. My pants that I wear to work slip down a lot and I have to concern myself with ass-crack. By wearing long, loose tops I can just let it hang out and not worry about being fired.

2. Put insoles into those dirty-ass Nikes. Wear them with socks.

3. Pack a lunch full of good things to eat that will re-energize you and also not make you hate your life. I packed a peanut butter and honey sandwich on whole wheat, two baby goudas with whole grain crackers, home-made Graham crackers and "energizing" tea with some sugar for my last two breaks.

4. Drink a lot of water. Water helps with cell renewal and keeps you energized. Also, you'll have to pee a lot more and will be able to excuse yourself from working fairly often for a quick sit and some air on your genitals, which is nice.

5. Passing down-time while seeming busy can be the hardest part about working long days. There's really only so much you can do to straighten up, and it's generally not worth it just wait around for your boss to assign you some busy work. To help things go by quickly, I like to stand around looking helpful, greeting customers and doing kegel exercises. Challenge yourself! How many can you do in one minute? Set some records. Go for the gold.


Working sucks. Everybody knows that. But it is a good way to make money that isn't illegal. Unless you yourself are an illegal, in which case working is illegal. So just keep in mind that there is a beer at the end of the tunnel, everybody in the world is in the same boat, and when you get home you can complain about it in your blog.

1 comment:

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