Sunday, February 14

This is the first Valentine's Day I've spent sans man since I was 18 years old and honestly it's been the best one ever because I've gone the whole entire day without a single disappointment!
I got a hair cut that I adore, I went to the library for some research, had sushi with my family, my dad gave me a nice card and I wore an outfit that is so cute and casual comfer cozers that by God I'm going to fucking wear it again tomorrow.
Anywho, I am single and most definitely on the prowl (though not actually actively prowling) so I thought it would be a good time to really put myself out there and see what bites. You know, this is just a casual thing, we don't have to get serious right away, but I want you to know that I find you very, very attractive and I'd love to devote the next rest of my life to getting to know you better. If you're interested, ladies, dudes, please, give me a call.

Ten Reasons Why I'm the Best Boyfriend Ever

10. I'm tall and leggy. 5'7''. And I wear heels a lot, too. I have a pair that makes me 5'10-5'11. You know you like tall boys, girl.

9. I'm intelligent and educated! Sort of! Mostly. Moderately.

8. I cook and clean and could be called a "domestic." Sure, I have a dirty mouth but fucking God damn I can repair holes in socks and make the bathtub shine like a mother.

7. I'm goal-oriented and motivated. I have dreams and aspirations that I am moving toward every single day! How many fucking assholes have you dated that can say that? Lose the losers, honey, it's time you started dating someone you can be proud of.

6. I'm really, really charming. Your parents are going to love me. Yes, of course I want to meet them!

5. I actually prefer to be the big spoon. And I will spoon you, girl. Every day of your fucking life.

4. I'm romantic. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. I just made that up. You're so inspiring.

3. It has been said that I have a "bomb-ass pussy." I'm just throwing it out there, you can do whatever you want with that information. Take it or leave it.

2. I'm creative and an excellent present-maker/giver. We'll start of with some really thoughtful mix cds and then I'll paint you something and decorate things with glitter and poetry. What are you into? Pandas? Girl, fall in love with me and I will buy you a fucking panda. I will steal you a panda. We are going to ride off into the sunset on a panda, I love you so much.

1. I'm not a dude!

No comments: