Thursday, March 31

It's Been So Long Since I Had A Smile

I saw this awesome Krisatomic illustration the other day and it really moved me because I, too, suffer from Chronic Bitch Face. The other night I was talking with a friend about how I've had a difficult time making friends, something she herself has been going through. She pointed out that her not making friends was strange because she's charming and approachable, but it made sense that I had no friends because I generally have always looked unapproachable and totally fucking miserable.

Age 3

Age 5

Age 7

Age 12

Age 24

I know, I know, I have always been remarkably stylish and exceptionally cool, but the point of this photo montage wasn't to illustrate that, but rather that I don't so much have a face as I do a puss. I scowl almost all of the time. I scowl so much that I'm 24 years old and I have frown lines. My husband told me that I scowl in my sleep. After knowing people for a couple of years they often tell me the first time they saw me they were afraid of me.
The combination of my black hearted Scorpion death gaze + sharp features would make me a perfect candidate for a career in Nazi exploitation films or any kind of general femdom/human bondage services. I feel I could make a slave piss himself with a mere glance.
Of course I have my sassy and bitchy moments, but the truth is I'm not a bitch and I've probably never described myself that way. I like animals, meeting new people, I'm friendly, polite, quick to apologize and I tip well. The last photo was taken before a mock interview I had to do for a class. The woman who assessed my interview skills told me that the way I look does not reflect my personality at all and she found the contrast jarring. She said I was bubbly. No kidding. Bitch Face up there is actually bubbly.
So the next time you see someone who could be having a bad day, reconsider that he or she might have Chronic Bitch Face. If you still insist on communicating with this person, instead of saying something dumb that you think is witty, a simple smile will suffice. (Sorry for the alliteration there. I've been reading Roald Dahl.)


Anonymous said...

Maybe you are too witty.

Rhiannon Admidas said...

I'm only witty on paper :)