Wednesday, June 29

Sad Internet Things

I've been on the internet since elementary school, which was a long time ago. I remember dial-up AOL Kids Only and even before that I remember this strange text-based thing called The World Wide Web that I wasn't interested in, I just wanted to listen to my Lion King CD and do hoodrat stuff with my friends (build forts, collect sticks). Being connected and interactive with the internet for well over a decade has been mostly awesome, but a lot of sad things have happened to me over the years. Sad internet things I'll never forget. I'd like to share them with you tonight.

In middle school I was really into text-based role playing games (Even to this day I get the urge to RP) that primarily took place in chatrooms and via e-mail. My favorite was playing Sailor Moon characters (Sailor Pluto for life!) but I would play anybody so long as I had someone to play with. One day I was invited to join a game based on the X-Men. I didn't know anything about X-Men, but the moderator told me to read the fan fiction their game was based on and said I'd be fine. Unfortunately, my dad had some parental controls on the internet and I couldn't read it. Instead of saying anything I just rewrote the character I was playing (Madonna Drake, daughter of Emma Frost and Bobby Drake. GOD WHY DO I REMEMBER THIS?) and made her into a totally God-mode animal shape shifter who had a pet lizard. After two weeks of totally ruining their game, screwing up their story and probably forcing them to scrap the whole plot we'd been building and start over, they kicked me out. I was so hurt that I wrote and presented a speech about it in one of my classes.

In high school I got really into mail art and joined this postcard exchange. A boy from Louisiana and I started exchanging cards, then we started talking on AIM. We totally clicked and got along and shared secrets and jokes and he even wrote and recorded a song for me. I was preparing for my junior prom and I had asked this college guy to go with me and was totally regretting it. I told the boy from Louisiana about it and he said, "Wouldn't it be so great if you could take me to prom?" And the next thing that happened was he was driving to North Dakota from Louisiana to go to a dance with me. No, seriously, this happened.
Anyway, he showed up and what was supposed to be totally magical, like two lost souls who'd been separated by some horrible evil finally coming together again as one, was not. It wasn't that he was unattractive or weird or anything like that at all, he was a really nice guy, but we didn't connect the same way. I can't pinpoint what exactly it was, but this song is relevant. By the end of the weekend I just wanted him to leave and I sent him packing the night of the prom after we awkwardly sat around a table watching other people dance. It was so bad. It was the worst thing ever. I think we spoke once after he returned home and that was it.

The internet is really strange because you talk to and exchange information with hundreds and hundreds of people and it stops meaning anything, and then sometimes you exchange information with someone and that person sticks with you. I met a girl on Bolt.com, Punk Fashion Board, which was essentially just a board for tweenage trolls, and her name was Astrid from Texas and we were friends up until my 20s. And this is a sad story because I miss her and I have no idea how to find her again. Maybe this will help.

When I started college I started talking to some guy on Yahoo. He lived in Wisconsin and all he did was drink soy milk and be tall and roller blade and play hockey and we talked every day for a couple of months. This sounds sort of ridiculous, but I might have loved him? I don't even remember any special details about this incident, just that I really liked him and then he stopped talking to me.

Finally, the saddest thing that ever happened to me on the internet:



Perfect pewter vintage lace-up Zodiac boots. I found them on eBay in high school but I couldn't buy them because they were too small. I've been on the look out for a similar pair for years.

I probably should have played team sports in my more formative years.

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