Tuesday, March 12

50 Ways to Woo a Man (Maybe a Woman?)


I've been reading a lot of pick up artist stuff lately and I've come to realize that I'm something of a pick up artist myself. I'm well regarded for my man-wooing skills and many people ask me how I've come to be adored by so many hot, young gentlemen. It is definitely not because of the way I look. Here are some tips for creating your own stable, one dude at a time (maybe girls? I don't know, I've never tried).
  1. Fart on him.
  2. Give him a plot summary of your favorite anime, taking special care to note the differences between the anime and the manga.
  3. Cook for him, but things he says he doesn't like that you do so you can prove to him what good food actually tastes like.
  4. Take him to a play in French even though he doesn't speak French.
  5. Text him a lot.
  6. Ask him who is favorite member of One Direction is.
  7. Dress slutty, but weird. Variation: Dress weird, but slutty.
  8. Talk to him about your "fur babies."
  9. Shave your legs twice a year. He probably won't notice your leg hair or lack of, but make sure you call a lot of attention to it.
  10. Google pictures of sharks with him.
  11. Sometimes talk in a weird voice.
  12. Do this. (Probably NSFW, 18+)
  13. Make him a sandwich, but then eat half of it. 
  14. Start collecting bugs.
  15. Pick at his back zits.
  16. Pick at his front zits.
  17. Pick at all of his zits.
  18. Write him a poem about sandwiches.
  19. Introduce him to your shapeless lounge wear collection.
  20. Agree to watch a dumb movie he likes with him, like Commando or Slap Shot, and fall asleep in the middle.
  21. Put stickers on his stuff.
  22. Fight with him a lot about your driving.
  23. Be taller than him.
  24. Ask him to read the academic paper you wrote about furries and Foucault.
  25. Tell him you're a ghost.
  26. Make him a mix CD of your favorite girl bands/Smiths songs/late 90's Southern rap.
  27. Cry.
  28. Tell him you're a feminist.
  29. Dress gyaru
  30. Show him how long you can hold your breath under water.
  31. Tickle him.
  32. Make him watch terrible movies with you. Have you ever seen Rockula?
  33. Tell him about your period.
  34. Better yet, have your period in his bed.
  35. Show him how much you can eat. 
  36. Ask him if he's ever done stuff with another guy and then explain to him how it doesn't make him gay.
  37. Paint him a picture of an animal that you like.
  38. Sing him your favorite Taylor Swift song.
  39. Ask him to take you to shoot guns.
  40. Wear tall socks.
  41. Shake hands with his dog.
  42. Ask him what his middle name is.
  43. Tweet about bowel movements probably.
  44. Cancel a date with him because you have to watch a TV show about a Sasquatch or aliens or white supremacists.
  45. Call him "kitty" or "chicken" or "pickle" or "bunny" or something.
  46. Tell him about your elaborate makeup ritual and then get mad when he tells you that you're pretty without it.
  47. Obsess about popular culture.
  48. Flirt with his dad.
  49. Show him all your old wounds.
  50. Write a weird blog.

No comments: