I think TV and movies are really magical, and I like to watch a lot of them, but I've noticed lately that I enjoy watching a lot of current TV shows because I hate the people on them. Like, I just want to watch them fail. I am dying, just dying to see Adam dump Hannah on Girls, and I was rooting for Don to cheat on Megan in Mad Men from the moment they got together. That's kind of messed up, right? Maybe that should be a blog post: Couples I Hate And Want To Watch Implode. But, for now, because it's the week of Valentine's, here are several TV and film couples that I don't want to see break up.
On 30 Rock Jenna Maroney is a narcissistic, sociopathic diva, so of course her soul mate is Paul, a gender dysmorphic bi-genitalia pansexual who impersonates her (and Cher, secretly). Their relationship is so perverse that it goes all the way back around to normal (which they fetishize and call "normaling"), but oddly enough it never really seems all that perverted. It's just Jenna and Paul, wearing the same outfit, getting sat on by little person in a jester's costume, getting married by guy in a gimp suit. Liz Lemon sums up their love, and all love, by saying that love is weird and sometimes gross, and love is elusive, but Jenna and Paul have found it.
I fell in love with Brad and Jane on Happy Endings instantly. Jane is super uptight and Brad is her whimsical foil. Their marriage is one part competition, two parts shenanigans and a lot of goofy sex. The show itself is basic sitcom fare, but it's hilarious, and Brad and Jane are so good together that all other couples on the show are horrible and boring. I will never not be pissed that this show got cancelled.
I might be partial to April and Andy Parks and Recreation because they remind me of my relationship with Kiah. They fell in love and got married as a goof and their life together remains just as goofy as their surprise wedding. April is constantly charmed by Andy's idiocy and Andy is always amazed by April's deadpan smartassery. The worst thing about each of their personalities is the thing that woos the other one. I think that's what we should all look for in a mate.
Bob and Linda on Bob's Burgers are a great couple because they're the quintessential Mom and Dad, like Roseanne and Dan and Cliff and Clair. They're so Mom and Dad that you wish they were your mom and dad, even though your mom and dad are already pretty okay. I love that the show is really aware of this, so everything they do together, no matter how sweet or awesome, is still pretty uncool, because it's mom and dad doing it, not a cool couple you wish you were a part of. And their sex life is revolting, just like your mom and dad's.
I gush about Lovely Complex because it was easily the most girly romantic thing I've been hooked on in a long time, like, not since Queer As Folk's original run on Showtime have I been so swept up in a television love affair. Koizumi is the tallest girl in her school, and Otani is the shortest boy. At the beginning of the series they enter a contest to see which of them can land a significant other first, but their competing and bickering take a backseat when Koizumi develops a crush on Otani. In spite of all they have in common, he's reluctant to return her affection, and the series develops from there, following the development of their relationship and all of Koizumi's insecurities and tears. It's a super sweet teenage love story and one that I squealed all the way through.
The Royal Tenenbaums is centered around shitty Royal Tenenbaum who hears that his estranged wife, Etheline, is considering remarrying her accountant, Henry, and decides to weasel his way back into her life. The adorable relationship between Etheline and Henry should have been the focus, though. Henry is befuddled by Etheline (who wouldn't be, it's Anjelica Huston) and asks her to marry him by way of giving her financial advice, falls into a pit at one of her archeological digs, and, in a deleted scene, accidentally lights a piece of toast on fire.
Haruka and Michiru, aka Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune are guardians of the universe, protectors of their princess, wielders of 2/3 of the talismans that form the Holy Grail, and a really insanely cool couple. Michiru is a world famous violinist who plays on a Stradivarious and Haruka is a race car driver. They also have a helicopter. They're inseparable throughout the Sailor Moon series, and often quite funny. Haruka's got a lot of bravado and loves flirting with and making the younger girls blush, but Michiru keeps her in check.
I can almost not even with Wash and Zoe, and if you've seen Firefly and Serenity then you know why. The series' cancellation is a bummer for a lot of fans, but I wasn't super interested in where the series could have gone (weaponized quirky waif girl, been there, done that) EXCEPT for Zoe and Wash. They're so grossly in love that it makes my heart hurt. In a flashback episode we see their first meeting and Zoe tells Malcolm that Wash bothers her. Never finding out what brought them together kills me, because you know it was a good story.
Justice League is Kiah's thing, but I've caught enough episodes to be swooned by Hawkgirl and Green Lantern's will they/won't they love affair. I just had Kiah explain the whole complicated thing to me, and it's pretty juicy, and I watched it out of order?, but I won't spoil it. Exciting keywords: sleeper agent, time travel, interspecies.