Monday, January 12

10 Things I Learned Watching All of Seinfeld

Sauce

1. Jerry never goes to Elaine’s apartment in the whole entire series. George goes once or twice to get something he wants from her, but Jerry doesn’t ever go. Do you have friends like this? It’s bullshit.

2. George has a curious nipple hair situation that I found distracting.

3. A contraceptive sponge is an apparatus you insert into your vagina before intercourse. The sponge is designed to absorb semen where, once trapped in the sponge, it will be eradicated via a spermicide. You can wear a sponge for up to 24 hours and use it multiple times. The sponge was taken off the US market in the 90’s, but came back around the 2000’s. A box of 3 costs about $13-$17, making intercourse cost about ~$5. If you want to get your money’s worth (at least compared to say, the cost of a condom - ~$10/24, ~$0.41 for a single session of intercourse), you need to have sex (culminating in the male’s ejaculation) at least 12x in the 24 hours that you wear the sponge.

4. There are only about 20 people of color in the city of New York.

5. We came out of the 1990’s believing the show was a show about nothing. This has a lot to do with the meta episodes in which Jerry and George write a pilot for a TV show that is, essentially, Seinfeld. However, Jerry Seinfeld himself has said that the show was more purposeful than simply being about the minutiae of 4 peoples’ shitty lives. Rather, he claims Seinfeld is a show about how a comedian comes up with material. This is evident by examining the show’s opening and closing sequences. In earlier seasons the show’s openings and closings were invariably Jerry on stage doing standup that loosely commented on something that would happen or exist in the episode. In season 8, however, the openings switched from Jerry working to Jerry engaged in something that could easily translate into his work, for instance haggling with the owner of a bodega, or humorously arguing over the names of American presidents. This went to the wayside in the final season, season 9, when they stopped working from the “comedian at work” angle and jumped right into the storyline as a more traditional TV show might.

6. I often feel guilty about my so-called arrested development. I’m 28 but still party like I’m 18. I like to have a good time, I like to wrestle, I like crushes and The Cure and Forever 21. I often call myself an Adult Teen. This can be troubling. Maybe I should be better? Maybe I should settle down? This show was a constant reminder that no, it’s fine, I’m fucking fine.

7. You can do anything while watching Seinfeld. I have cooked meals, played with my dog, graded papers, washed dishes, exercised, written lesson plans, had conversations, composed poems, cleaned the house, etc. etc. etc. all while watching Seinfeld.

8. Everyone dressed gross in the 90’s.

9. Nobody in the show drinks? How? Why? You’d think with all the early 90’s unprotected sex they’re having they’d at least be drunk.

10. Whenever I get into a TV show I like to figure out which of my friends is which character. I hang out with a lot of dudes so I was quickly foisted into the Elaine category, but now that I’ve finished the whole series I can confidently say that I am actually the Mr. Kruger of my gang.

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