Monday, April 6

Coming Out

 It's opening day (mostly) and I'm ready to announce my 2015 Baseball Gang!


We did it everyone! We did it. And it was not easy. I want to thank all of my friends for their support during this time. You made this dream a reality and I couldn't have done it without all of your gentle guidance. I really had to make some sacrifices here, including the fact that I don't love these colors and I've never been to Toronto. I have yet to find a shirt that I'd actually wear, which is a problem because almost nothing about baseball matters to me as much as outfits do. But this is my team. I chose it and I'm going to be A Fan (assuming there's like, an app I can download that will keep me up to date on things).

Here are the reasons I chose the Blue Jays.

Bird. I like birds and I care about mascots. I really wanted the Orioles but all of the orange is just unforgivable. Maybe I settled for a Blue Jay, but it's fine. Blue Jays are pretty rad to see IRL, probably cooler than an Oriole, so it's fine.

Players I Would. Are the Blue Jays the most bearded team in baseball? I don't know. I'm just asking. I Googled and saw there were many beards, many other potential QT’s (I’ll have to watch a game to know for sure). I'm not even a super beard fangirl really, but I am a big fan of Daniel Norris and his yuppie hippie bullshit. Remember how on 30 Rock Jon Hamm was a huge moron but he was super hot so he got away with stuff? like they just gave him a medical degree and cops would tear up his tickets and everybody just pretended he was right even when he wasn't? This is how I feel about Daniel Norris. Also who doesn't like a hot/weird pitcher?

Canada's Ok. I like Canada. I like Canadian music and television programming and beer. They’re doing ok up there.

Drake is from Toronto. Do you think he goes to baseball games? I don’t know, but he does have a hat.

They Won Twice in a Row! I’ve been searching for a kewl vintage shirt to wear and I noticed from some sweatshirts that in the 90’s the team won the World Series twice! Way to go, guys. We did it. Twice.

Fanbase Seems Pretty Chill. These are definitely the kinds of people I want to be around at games.

I can't make any claims like "It's going to be a good season" because I honestly have no idea. I've been meaning to read some preseason prediction thing but I'm trying to finish this article about toilets first. However, I can say that it's going to be a fun season of me looking like an asshole and pretending to know what I'm talking about, which everybody always loves. It's how I got both of my degrees and what I do for a living. Play ball dudes!

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