Thursday, October 22

Things from Movies and TV I Think About A Lot

Like many other idiots, the films and musics and televisions that I've consumed throughout my life have come to form the person that I am. When I was a teenager that was like, AmélieAmélie was me. Whatever shitty Coheed and Cambria album I was listening to at the time, that was me. Chuck Palahniuk books, me. The thing is, I'm older now and that shit isn't and never was me; I loved these movies and records and stuff but they weren't a part of my being. I just liked them. When I think about the things that really are a part of my being, the things that I think about and replay over and over and the lines and scenes that my brain flicks to each and every day, the minutiae of film and music and story that have become several literally meaningless mantras that I chant to myself daily, this is the shit that's me. If there were a montage that defined me at the end of my life, this would be it: a 7 minute YouTube video of asinine dumbassery. I don't really know how to explain this, but I'm sure I'm not alone here. I give to you:

Scenes from Movies and TV I Think About A Lot

Remember when Comedy Central was rad? All they played was Jim Brewer and Richard Pryor stand up and cult movies. I was 8 years old watching John Waters, Cheech and Chong, and Mel Brooks movies and was as confused as I titillated. National Lampoon’s European Vacation was a movie that affected me deeply. The story is timeless (American knuckleheads haphazardly traipse through Europe, Dad is an asshole, Beverly D’Angelo is hot as hell) and yet it’s completely and utterly a relic of 1985. Young Rusty's dream sequence must have scarred me in some way. It was an early introduction to teenage sexuality but also a sexuality that could never make complete sense to me as it’s set in a disco to a Robert Palmer song. Accessible and yet so, so far away. An additional scene from this movie that lodged itself in my developing mind: the makeover montage. So much leather.

Another (much more appropriate) movie from my childhood that I think about a lot is the early Ben Stiller/Keenan Thompson vehicle Heavyweights. I haven’t seen this movie in a dog’s age so tell me if I’m mistaken, but wasn’t this movie super cool and body positive or am I misremembering it? These fat kids get sent to camp because their parents think them being fat sucks, and then Ben Stiller does too, but they steal the camp back and learn to be healthy and happy on their own terms and also being fat isn’t a bad thing, it doesn't define you, just don’t eat candy bars ALL the time! Anyway, there’s a scene where Ben Stiller commands his lackey, Lars, to kill this fun water balloon called the Blob. It’s 20 years later and I’m still telling people to “Do it to it, Lars!” all the time and I feel like nobody knows what the fuck I’m talking about?

I often hear Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club saying "When you grow up your heart dies," but especially when I'm like, in line at the DMV or at the pool and I notice I'm the only person over the age of 12 who's jumping off the diving board or when I'm waking up at 6 a.m. to go to a full-time benefited job that I have somehow? And then I imagine Ally Sheedy's character as an adult and it's me and I'm like, "Damn is my heart dead?" How do you know if your heart is dead? Asking for a friend.

Why was Kylie Minoque in Bio-Dome? Why don’t more movies feature hyphens in their titles? I miss Pauly Shore. RIP.

Submitted without comment.

Someone once told me I was a baby, as in an infant, because I eat a lot and I sleep a lot. These things are true. I love to eat a lot. It’s a good time, and if I skip meals I get very faint and antsy and a little crabby. I really love to sleep. My natural circadian rhythm prefers to have me get about 9 hours every day. 7 is way too little, and 8 is just barely enough. When I get 9 I am fresh and bright and vivid, like a well-rested baby. A very sexy baby.

No comments: