Sunday, January 10
Interview Questions for Leonardo DiCaprio
What was Gisele like? Because she seems like a pretty chill person. Not fun, exactly, like I bet she never drinks more than half a glass of white wine maybe once a month, but I feel like there are some days where she has that half glass and kind of sits back and looks off toward the sea and then says, "We should get some pot." And the next thing you know it's clouded and sunset and you're walking in the surf and she's telling you a story about the time she saw the Catatumbo lightning and you're just like, "Wow. I'm having a really magical evening with Gisele Bundchen. She is so much taller than me." I honestly don't know anything about Gisele Bundchen except her name and that you guys dated.
What kind of pills are you on right now?
What do you think Toby Maguire is doing? I bet if we called him he'd be all, "Nothin'. What's up with you?" We should call him.
Which character from your movies do you most relate to? Because I feel like it's probably the kid from The Beach, or that scary slave owner from Django.
Tell me about the smartest model you've dated and what is she up to now?
Do you ever Facetime with the old gang ("The Pussy Posse") to talk about old times and one guy like, has his new baby daughter in his arms and he's telling you about the delivery and how proud of his wife he is, and another one is like, "I'm shopping around my first novel right now and I don't have any bites yet but I've gotten a lot of promising feedback from publishers and it just feels really good, feels really good to have completed something I care about so deeply, that is so deeply attached to me and who I am, it just feels good even if it's a little discouraging right now." And then another guy is like, "I can't tell you how much my life has changed since I went to rehab. I'm sober and I feel amazing. I just completed my third marathon." And you're totally silent and just repeating "Don's Plum Don's Plum Don's Plum" over and over in your mind while your mouth fills with blood?
Do you ever just want to stop pandering to the Academy and finally make The Beach 2? Do you think Tilda Swinton would go for it? I don't think she would.